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oorbz.com is the online presence of a guy sometimes called oorbz, living close to the Essex coast in the East of England. I'm at home in the countryside or the town and am happy on my own or in the company of others. I'm all things for all occasions and though the style and image may have changed with the times, essentially I'm still the same person underneath. You can find out who that is from this site. Thanks for visiting.
The night life is for you
Gosh I’ve got a lot of catching up to do! I have been quite remiss in keep up with my diary entries, for a variety of reasons – some good and some not-so-good.
The biggest thing that happened recently is that mum and I stayed in London for three days in June so that she could have a procedure at the Royal Free Hospital. Long story short, after scans and before surgery, the team discovered that the tumours in her liver (as well as the primary in the colon) had now spread and there were three further lesions – now in her lung. They weren’t able to proceed with the surgery and after due reflection, mum decided not to have any more treatment. The proposed plan would have amounted to almost two years of surgery and chemotherapy, during which time the cancer cells would still be circulating in her blood stream and settling in new locations – potentially the lymph nodes and the brain. If she went through everything and survived (including having 80% of her liver removed and half her right lung) then she could potentially still only have six months to live – or less.
And so, with our support, she elected to refuse any surgical intervention to remove the cancerous parts of her body. She has also decided against any further chemotherapy. She is now under the care of the local team, including Macmillan and has a life expectancy of six to twelve months. Hopefully though, that time while difficult and with some pain, will not involve constant trips to the hospital, surgical procedures and chemical infusions that made her feel so terribly ill.
So, that has been a big part of our lives in the last month. It probably seems that I am dealing with it quite matter-of-factly, but a month has passed and we have had time to adjust and live with the reality of the situation.
I had guests to stay a couple of weeks ago – my good friends from college, one of whom was my lecturer and I lived with for two years, and her partner who I have a great deal of affection for. In fact, I love them both dearly and they have been so supportive of me and such a valued and treasured part of my life since I met them. So, they came to stay and we had a blow out Chinese meal. Fortune cookies duly followed, with my motto advising that “the night life is for you”.
Let’s see how right it is!
Popularity: unranked [?]
Suddenly
And suddenly everything becomes exciting and vibrant once again and my heart is racing… racing… racing.
Amazing what some quality sleep can do for you – that and walking away from a relationship that was really doing me no good at all. How on earth did I do this to myself for four years and not even realise? It’s been a good weekend overall. I love Sunday – always have and always will. The focus of the day may have changed over the years, but it’s always been about recharging those spiritual batteries and finding the energy to start the whole process over again.
I believe in you.
Popularity: 100% [?]
It’s been a tough couple of days
It’s been a tough couple of days – and I’m not the one with cancer. I think the hardest part of yesterday was holding mum up while she sobbed uncontrollably gasping for breath, and between breaths saying to me “Why can’t I just die”… followed by “Why did I have to get cancer.” It’s that second set of words that have been ringing in my ears and echoing in my mind since last night. This all came about thanks to another NHS blunder. Mum was due to have surgery yesterday, but for some reason nobody requested a bed for her from the Surgical Bed Manager. We spent the whole day waiting for the call and of course it never came. It was just more than she could cope with. It has been easier for me, because I have been almost remote to the daily challenges of coping with this disease, for both my mother and family – because I don’t live there any more. It’s the first time that it has fallen to me to hold mum while she cried. I just held her tight and stroked her hair. She told me the only pleasure she has left in life is seeing my dad, me and my brother – she has nothing else to live for. Later she apologised for being “such a baby”. It broke my heart.
Popularity: 80% [?]
What makes a home?
I periodically check online to see if my old flat has been let yet. I moved to this house (the third time that I have lived here now!) with three months on the lease of the flat left to run. So I have a vested interest in checking whether the old place has been let yet, as it means I am let off the hook and don’t have to pay double rent. The flat has been vacant for nearly two months. I can’t understand why in that time somebody hasn’t jumped at it. Granted, I moved out early and there were reasons for that, but nothing that would influence a new tenant. It’s actually quite a cosy place and has a lot of potential/options for the person moving in to make their own mark on it – set it out how they want and make it a real home. Which got me to thinking – what does make somewhere a home? Lately, more than ever before, I have been very much aware of “vibes” or energy or something that lingers in a place, and hovers all around us every day. As I said, I have lived in this house three times now, and each time has felt different. I suppose it depends on the energy that I have brought with me to a place. I used to share this house with the owner, a good friend of mine. First time around I was her lodger, fresh from college and excited to have my own place to lay my head, albeit just a second bedroom in her house. But I made it mine and I was so happy here. The second time I was returning from a troubled relationship – I had been living with someone for six months and that just didn’t work out. So I brought back a different energy. The energy here had shifted too, so it didn’t feel quite like that first time. But now, this time around, I have very much come back home. I have the house to myself now as I have taken it on. My friend has moved away and there is little left of her energy, or presence. I have made this home so different to when I lived here in the past, although of course the rooms are still the same – some of the decoration is even the same, but now it feels so much like my home, and I am glad to be here.
Popularity: 84% [?]
I love a good Bank Holiday
I have found that both the Easter break and now this May bank holiday have come at just the right time for me. After the washout that was Christmas and New Year, I really enjoyed the long Easter weekend, spending time with the family and having a relaxed time at home to get on with things. Of course, Easter was hot on the heels of having moved in, so there was plenty to do. I still found some time to switch off though, and that has been so much easier since moving back here. I feel much more calm, relaxed and peaceful. All of those elements combined can be summed up in one word – happy. There is still a deal of transition taking place in my life, and that can be unsettling, but ultimately has to be for the good. Plans for today are generally to get things in order. I have masses of paperwork to sort out – the files are already scattered around me on the floor here waiting to receive their contents. It’s a bit like the ironing pile – it nags away at you and you know you really don’t want to do it – but oh the joy when it’s all done. Which reminds me. There is ironing to be done too. I don’t know who wears all these clothes – honestly I don’t. I might start to life a life in nylon.
Popularity: 84% [?]
X Men Origins: Wolverine
Saturday night was cinema night, so it was off to the local Cineworld to sample the latest comic book big screen offering – X Men Origins : Wolverine.
After sitting through a good half hour of adverts the film finally began, and it wasn’t the start to the story that I had been expecting. I don’t know the back story of the X Men, in fact all that I know of them is the three films that were made and now sit amidst my shelf of dvd’s for future reviewing – so I didn’t know that Wolverine was so old. The problem I have with people that don’t age, is how did they grow up in the first place? At what point does the body chemistry decide – yep you’ve grown enough now. Because Logan and his brother Victor certainly didn’t stop growing older at the end of their teens, but apparently have now. Anyway, all that is an aside to me saying I didn’t expect the story to begin where it did. What followed was a montage of historic battles and wars, all of which Logan and his brother had played a major part in. As I sat watching the scenarios unfold, I was amazed at how much time, money and effort was ploughed in to what was essentially a throw-away part of the story. It was an important element to Wolverine’s life and our appreciation of the character, his struggle, strengths, weaknesses and definining moments, but gosh – they really threw the money at it!
Overall, I really enjoyed the movie. The audience found humour in some parts that I didn’t think were necessarily meant to be laughed at, but that’s a matter of personal humour. There were surprises and that’s always good in a film – I don’t like to see things coming from the off – so I guess I really got my money’s worth. It was a good night out, a great story and although there were a couple of plot holes, they weren’t glaring enough to be jarring or diminsh the appeal of the movie. They did however serve to make you think, and again that’s always a good thing.
I’d rate Wolverine an 8/10
Popularity: 50% [?]
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