Of course, when you’re backed into a corner (even if it is by your own state of mind) what else can you do but come out fighting?
Search this site:
Archives
Tags
Blogroll
One of those nights
It’s one of those nights when I want to sit up all night and play music into the small hours – throwing the windows wide and screaming in to the night. Some thunder and lightening to drown out my torment would be quite helpful too – if anyone up there is listening?
History
I’m sad with the way that I am
I’m turning away from the past, oohh
I’m lookin’ for a better place
I’m lonely but findin’ my way around
Around,around,
Around,around
So long,
Something’s stirring up in the air,
Because it keeps turning me around, oh yeah
So long,
Something’s stirrin’ up in the air,
Because it keeps turning me around,
It’s starting to push at my mind
Forget all the things that I took with me
I’m throwing away all my dreams
I couldn’t have said it better. Thank you Groove Armada.
Mum
It’s almost ten months now since mum died. It’s only now that I’m starting to miss her – which sounds absolutely awful, but what it really means is that it’s finally starting to sink in that she is actually gone.
Sometimes I forget. No. It would be more accurate to say that sometimes I remember. Suddenly in instantly in a moment of almost panic “mum’s dead!”
I don’t know what has brought about this shift of emotion or state of mind over the last two weeks, but in almost every waking and most sleeping thoughts she has been there. I suppose this is the next stage of grief or mourning… I’ve done anger and although I thought I was a way further down the road than I am with this, it seems like I’m finally getting past denial.
Moments of Happiness
I was laying on the rug in the lounge last night, tv on, lamp lit by my side, cat stalking around the room and for the first time in ages I felt genuinely happy. It came upon me quite unexpectedly, but the real shock was that until that point I wasn’t even aware that I wasn’t happy. But then, for a few minutes in a wave that grew and grew, expanding outwards in a kind of burning bursting pride (and I know pride is a sin) I felt that all was right with me and the madness was banished. For a while at least.
It happened again today. Happiness. Little moments of happiness. One can only guess what the ultimate cause of these spontaneous outbreaks of happiness is, but undoubtedly a sense of having some control over my life is playing a part.