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I still can’t stop thinking about mum… and in one sense why should I?  It sounds wrong to say that you don’t want to think about her, but every time I stop for a second, switch off from what I am doing – suddenly there she is.   Always on my mind.

I think I’m enduring a second wave of shock – some ten months later.   I’m feeling the pain all over again, of never ever being able to see her, or speak to her, again.  Not on this side of life anyway.

God I miss her.

It’s almost ten months now since mum died. It’s only now that I’m starting to miss her – which sounds absolutely awful, but what it really means is that it’s finally starting to sink in that she is actually gone.

Sometimes I forget. No. It would be more accurate to say that sometimes I remember. Suddenly in instantly in a moment of almost panic “mum’s dead!”

I don’t know what has brought about this shift of emotion or state of mind over the last two weeks, but in almost every waking and most sleeping thoughts she has been there. I suppose this is the next stage of grief or mourning… I’ve done anger and although I thought I was a way further down the road than I am with this, it seems like I’m finally getting past denial.